A GIRL CALLED FERU

Guest Starring: Feru

<Feru> silly peoples you are, yes yes
<mcDuffiesss> Oh, no, we aren't.
<Feru> but I suppose that's why I likes you
* Feru pets the duffies
<mcDuffiesss> Oh, no, it's not.
<Feru> no?
<mcDuffiesss> Definitely not. Everyone knows that.
<Feru> is it the free cookies then?
<mcDuffiesss> Perhaps...
<Feru> wait...I havn't got my free cookies today...
<Feru> does this mean I no longer likes yous?
<mcDuffiesss> Bob took them, prosecute him.
<Feru> hmm.....
<Feru> bad evil bob that is
<MrBob> I confess!
<MrBob> Take me away!
<MrBob> Do with me what you will!
<MrBob> I pray.. just allow me this one last request!
<Feru> go on...
<MrBob> MARRY ME!
<MrBob> MAARRYY MEE!
<mcDuffiesss> It's a trap!!!
<Feru> oh dear....
<MrBob> I LOVE YOU FROM THE MOMENT I FIRST SET EYES ON YOU!
<MrBob> Here! Sign this will!
<Feru> 0.o
* Feru steps away slowly
<MrBob> My dear! My sweet!
<MrBob> Mwaah! mwaahh!
<mcDuffiesss> He is lying to you.
<MrBob> I love you with the tenderness of a thousand loins of steak!
<MrBob> I wish to lie with you my dear!
<mcDuffiesss> There's only one way to stop his nefarious plans!
<mcDuffiesss> Marry me instead!
<MrBob> No! She mine!
<MrBob> Mine!
<Feru> do you happen to have any life insurance, just as a random passing curiosity of no value...
<MrBob> No! I'm worthless! not a penny on me!
<MrBob> I stole the cookies for clothes!
<mcDuffiesss> I tried do get life insurance but they said that my life is not worth a cent.
<MrBob> look at this dinty chocolate chip loincloth!
<MrBob> its no good I tell you!
<MrBob> the mice keep nibbling at it!
<MrBob> Away! Away!
<MrBob> off with you ticklish vermin!
<Feru> you'll soon be nakey if they keep that up, horrid fate
<mcDuffiesss> If I was married, then I'd have a family which would raise value of my life.
<MrBob> Well well If I was married I'd have a valaubale family which i could seell for more valouables!
<ShineDog> thunder...
<ShineDog> THUNDER....
<ShineDog> THUNDERCATS....
* ShineDog poses
* Feru pushes shiney over
<MrBob> Away with you and your 80s pop culture!
<MrBob> Ill have none of it! You hear?
<MrBob> none of it!
<ShineDog> ho.
<MrBob> what?
<mcDuffiesss> What? a third rival?
<MrBob> I'm not bothered!
<MrBob> Do I look bothered?
<mcDuffiesss> Shine, there's no place for you in a Bob vs me rivalry!
<MrBob> Am I bothered?
<MrBob> Does my face look bothered?
<MrBob> Am I bothered?
<mcDuffiesss> Becuase then we'd have to rename it to Bob vs Sine vs me rivalry.
<MrBob> Am I bothered?
<Feru> I can marry neither of you! for I must be free like the winds and the froggies! To fulfill my wonderous and nefarious plans of nothing!
<mcDuffiesss> Do you know how much a re-registering of rivalry name costs?
<MrBob> oh hush you!
<MrBob> Run away with me!
<mcDuffiesss> Kiss me my dahling!
<MrBob> together we will form our own kingodm of frogs!
<MrBob> No!
* MrBob slaps Mcduffies with a glove!
<mcDuffiesss> Kiss me passionately! Kiss me passionately!
<MrBob> I challenge you to a catfight!
<mcDuffiesss> You're not cat.
<MrBob> damn
<MrBob> I lose!
<mcDuffiesss> I challenge you to stupid-looking-alienfight
<MrBob> Ha I win!
<mcDuffiesss> ...
<mcDuffiesss> I didn't think he'd fall for it.
<MrBob> but mcduffies, I am a man of honour
<MrBob> you won the first time
<MrBob> you can keep her
<mcDuffiesss> Let's make a deal:
<MrBob> just as long as I take the cash
<mcDuffiesss> I want cash too!
<Feru> hey wait....
<MrBob> No!
<mcDuffiesss> Wait, I got a suggestion.
<MrBob> okay
<mcDuffiesss> You take the top half, I'll take the bottom half and we'll split money 50-50
<MrBob> Oh mcduffies.. why must I take the lion's share? Make it 40-60!
<mcDuffiesss> 60 for me and a bellybutton.
<MrBob> Deal!
* MrBob sharpens a knife
<Feru> HEY!
<MrBob> ohh dahhling!
<MrBob> there you are!
<MrBob> Come to me my dear!
* MrBob starts chasing feru
* Feru pours seltzer water on the both of you and runs away with a random young flash artist
<mcDuffiesss> Yeah.
<mcDuffiesss> Wait...
<mcDuffiesss> If we split her in half, both halves will be dead!
<MrBob> My half will be less dead than yours!
<MrBob> You have 60% after all!
<mcDuffiesss> We'll have to keep her whole and manage it somehow.
<MrBob> Never! You're just jealous
<mcDuffiesss> But mine will be more useful dead than yours.
<MrBob> No we chop!
<MrBob> CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
<mcDuffiesss> What's with you and chopping?
<MrBob> He's my favourite composer
<Feru> I'll poltergiest you from beyond with so much fury!
<MrBob> CHOPPITY
<mcDuffiesss> You're a furry now?
* MrBob plays the Opus 18 Waltz in E flat major
<mcDuffiesss> Sexy poltergeist.
* MrBob dances with feru
<mcDuffiesss> She said she likes us because we're silly.
<mcDuffiesss> She must be liking you more than me then.
<MrBob> she likes me because YOURE silly!
<the_neko> McDuffies, are you scouting for furries for your orgies again? Shame on you!
<mcDuffiesss> h-a! Neko, do you have furry highlited in your client?
* MrBob throws feru into the air and catches her again
<mcDuffiesss> You misscalculated it, Bob.
<MrBob> oops.
<Feru> ack!!!
* MrBob pokes Feru with a stick
* Feru bounces
<MrBob> Shes alive!
<MrBob> And now we chop!
* MrBob chops off her hair!
<Feru> NOOOOO!!!!
<MrBob> here mcduffies, your share
<Feru> not the hair!
* MrBob picks up Feru and takes her home!
* mcDuffiesss takes the body.
<MrBob> Hey!
<mcDuffiesss> You get the hair.
<MrBob> The body is mine! mine!
<mcDuffiesss> No!
<MrBob> No you get the hair!
<MrBob> Me made a deal!
<MrBob> We...
* mcDuffiesss pulls her by the hand.
* MrBob pulls her other hand
<mcDuffiesss> Yes, You take the hair and 40%
<MrBob> Give!
* mcDuffiesss pulls
<MrBob> But she had A LOT of hair!
<mcDuffiesss> Bad alien
* MrBob pulls!
<MrBob> Bad KITTY
<mcDuffiesss> So take the hair then!
* mcDuffiesss pulls
* MrBob PUULLLSSS
* mcDuffiesss pulls without caps lock
<MrBob> I dont want the hair!
<MrBob> It stinks!
* mcDuffiesss pulls to infinity
* MrBob pulls to thousandfinity
<mcDuffiesss> Well I don't want hair either
* Feru tickles you both till you let go
* mcDuffiesss surpresses tickling laugh
* MrBob pulls without hands
<mcDuffiesss> You take the shoes
<MrBob> okay but I get the shirt as well
<mcDuffiesss> You know that it's very sexy to drink wine outta woman's shoe
<MrBob> I know where HER shoes've been thank you very much!
<MrBob> wine in there will turn into vinegar
<mcDuffiesss> Ok, shoes and shirt to you, the rest to me.
<MrBob> and I get the hair
<mcDuffiesss> Take the hair too.
<MrBob> ok
<Feru> help! someone save me from the ravageing idiots!
* MrBob lets go! Mcduffies flies!
* mcDuffiesss takes shoeless shirtless hairless Feru home
* MrBob makes the hair into a beard and the shirt into a turban
* MrBob uses the shoes as firewood
<Feru> such a sad sight am I now...
* mcDuffiesss throws Feru on bed
<Feru> ack! ack!
<mcDuffiesss> If I could only get Bob to watch somehow
* MrBob walks into the room
<MrBob> hey whats gouing on??
<MrBob> I thought you said you were going to get married?
* Feru throws pillows at duffies
<mcDuffiesss> Aw. Throwing pillows is a definite sign of love!
<MrBob> Did you have a secret marriage and not invite me???
<mcDuffiesss> Marrying is not for rebels like me.
<Feru> love is a silly thing! think not of it!
<mcDuffiesss> Though wedding cake is cool.
<mcDuffiesss> Ok, we'll marry first then.
* Feru puts a straw dummy in the pillows and hides under the bed
* mcDuffiesss takes the straw dummy to the church
<mcDuffiesss> Is there a priest in the house?
<MrBob> I have a turban!
<mcDuffiesss> Uh...
<mcDuffiesss> Does turban make you a priest?
<MrBob> its close enough!
<MrBob> We are gathered here for the fornication of mcduffies and Feru orangecatovich!
<MrBob> Uh I mean marriage
<mcDuffiesss> (hurry up) (hurry up)
* Feru sneaks off to a danceclub while duffies is at the church with the dummy, and the doll
<mcDuffiesss> My dear future wife, why did your eye just fall off?
<MrBob> Do you MCduffies, Hector, Dihgby, Smedly Sexy Orangecatovich take Feru to be your wife?
<mcDuffiesss> Yes! Yes, by the wholy church, I do!
<mcDuffiesss> I do, hear me? I do!
<mcDuffiesss> Till the death do us apart!
<MrBob> and do you Feru, dummy Fakeperson take McDuffies to be your husband?
<mcDuffiesss> God bless us everyone!
<mcDuffiesss> The fields!
<mcDuffiesss> All the little children!
<mcDuffiesss> Little cute kitties!
<mcDuffiesss> I do!!!
<MrBob> Then I pronounce you cat and Duffy!
<MrBob> you may kiss the dummy!
<mcDuffiesss> Uh...
<mcDuffiesss> I didn't hear her saying yes...
* mcDuffiesss shakes the dummy
<MrBob> haha! I did!
<mcDuffiesss> Dear? Dear?
<MrBob> She nodded!
<mcDuffiesss> Oh.
* MrBob shakes the dummy's head
<MrBob> LIKE THAT
<MrBob> You are married now!
<mcDuffiesss> Great. Now I'm married to feru.
<MrBob> the real feru is mine!
<MrBob> Ahahaha!
* MrBob chases her
<mcDuffiesss> What real Feru?
<mcDuffiesss> This is a real Feru, damn.
<MrBob> The one that is not made out of a sack of potaoes!
<mcDuffiesss> Don't let the straw skin fool you.
<mcDuffiesss> She's still Feru inside.
* MrBob kidnaps the real Feru
<MrBob> Hey Mcduffies wanna swap wives?
<mcDuffiesss> No!
* mcDuffiesss jealously cherishes straw doll
<MrBob> Fine
<MrBob> Then I'll just carry her around
<MrBob> in front of you
<MrBob> see if you you like that
<MrBob> mmm
<mcDuffiesss> You want to slip me some meat puppet instead of my beautiful feru?
<mcDuffiesss> Shame on you.
<MrBob> My Feru is prettier than yours
<mcDuffiesss> Is not!
<MrBob> Mine has no shirt
* mcDuffiesss makes love to the puppet
<MrBob> ew
<MrBob> Mine is better look it talks!
<MrBob> Say something Feru!
* MrBob shakes Feru
<mcDuffiesss> Yours have both eyes, icky.
<MrBob> go on
<MrBob> dont be shy
<MrBob> say something
<War> I think you scared her away.
<mcDuffiesss> Bob did.
* Feru flops around a bit
<MrBob> well fine, my Feru is still better than yours anyway
<MrBob> I'm not the one who married her!
<mcDuffiesss> I just had sex with her straw dummy, nothing worse.
<MrBob> Mcduffies you bad husband
<MrBob> scaring wives
<MrBob> Wiife scarer
<mcDuffiesss> Bob, where is your wife?
<MrBob> right here on my shoul...
<MrBob> FERU!
<mcDuffiesss> I don't hear her saying anything
<MrBob> Ferrru
<mcDuffiesss> Unlike mine
* mcDuffiesss makes noises to look like the doll is talking
<mcDuffiesss> "I love you mcDuffies"
* Feru slips away and dons a most wonderous diguise while bob is distracted
<MrBob> oh there she is! trying to escape disguised as a piano!
<MrBob> But she is not too clever for me!
* MrBob pounces on the piano
<Feru> how could you ever see through my piano!!
<mcDuffiesss> Hah. Bob's wife is not clever by his own admission
<MrBob> Well my Feru can sing. Go on Feru show him
* MrBob makes the piano do the 9th symphony
<mcDuffiesss> Silly bob, that's a piano, not a girl
<MrBob> what?
<MrBob> No! Thats not true!
<MrBob> Feru tell him!
<mcDuffiesss> It's big, black and has three legs
* Feru makes beauuutiful musicas
* MrBob is shocked as Feru does an A flat!
<MrBob> Noo! Noo!
<MrBob> I've been tricked!
<MrBob> oh there she is
<MrBob> her beautiful musicas gave her away!
<mcDuffiesss> Unlike mine. Mine is a real Feru
* mcDuffiesss kisses straw doll
* MrBob takes the real Feru and makes her spit
<MrBob> See? Mine can spit!
<mcDuffiesss> Mine can too.
<Feru> ewwwww.....
* mcDuffiesss spits
<mcDuffiesss> See?
<MrBob> No. Thats was you.
<mcDuffiesss> It was not.
<mcDuffiesss> Was her!
<MrBob> My Feru can juggle
* Feru hops on top of bob's head
* Feru dances a lively jig
<MrBob> see?
<MrBob> Can yours do that?
* mcDuffiesss puts doll on his head
<MrBob> Your feru is stupid
<MrBob> it only has one eye
<mcDuffiesss> It's modern now
<mcDuffiesss> Having one eye
<mcDuffiesss> It's the latest fashion
<MrBob> what is it meant to be? a pirate?
<mcDuffiesss> Your Feru is dated
<MrBob> My Peru is going to be president
<mcDuffiesss> Oh, now it's Peru?
<mcDuffiesss> Peru is a country, you silly
<MrBob> Yes! She's as big as a country!
<mcDuffiesss> So she's got a big ass?
<MrBob> Dont you make fun of my wife's ass!
<MrBob> its a nice donkey!
<mcDuffiesss> Big bottom!
<MrBob> stop that!
<MrBob> well your Feru has NO bottom!
<mcDuffiesss> shes through the door!
<mcDuffiesss> She somehow manages to squeeze through the door
* MrBob punches Mcduffies's feru
<MrBob> take that
<mcDuffiesss> You punched my wife?
<MrBob> stupid fake wife
* MrBob kicks her
* mcDuffiesss kicks Bob with the doll
<MrBob> Ack!
* mcDuffiesss repeatedly kicks him with a doll
<mcDuffiesss> Get him my love!
<MrBob> Wife beater!
<MrBob> Stop hitting me with your wife!
<mcDuffiesss> It's her hitting you.
<mcDuffiesss> She was an ex boxing champ
<MrBob> no! Youre hitting me with your stupid doll!
<MrBob> ack! feru help me!
* Feru crawls away and hides behind TOG
* thatotherguy hides anyone hiding
* mcDuffiesss chokes Bob with the doll
<MrBob> help me wife!
<MrBob> remember your promise!
<MrBob> do it for the children!
<MrBob> Do it for daddy!
<mcDuffiesss> Ha! Your wife won't help you!
<MrBob> My wife will help me!
<Feru> I'm no wife of yours!!
<MrBob> What??
<mcDuffiesss> My wife will kill you.
<MrBob> but Feru!
<MrBob> Our love!
<MrBob> What about this ring?
<MrBob> does it mean nothing?
* mcDuffiesss still beats Bob with doll
<MrBob> I made it out of the finest handcuffs!
<Feru> that's not my ring! that cereal box decoder ring!
<MrBob> But Feru! Our vows! Our vows!
* mcDuffiesss swallows the ring
<MrBob> ack ooh!
<mcDuffiesss> Urlk.
<mcDuffiesss> Anyone got a glass of water?
<MrBob> Mcduffies... look at your wife
<MrBob> her head's come off
<MrBob> I think you broke her
<mcDuffiesss> What?
<MrBob> You hit me so hard with your wife the head came off
<mcDuffiesss> Neck broken...
<mcDuffiesss> It's your doing, you alien!
<mcDuffiesss> You killed my wife!
<MrBob> I didnt kill her
<MrBob> YOU DID
<MrBob> MURDERER
<mcDuffiesss> She was hitting you and then you took the punch bad.
<MrBob> Feru help me!
<MrBob> hes a murderer!
<mcDuffiesss> It's your fault
<MrBob> it willl not be long before he kills again!
<mcDuffiesss> Damn. Police will be here soon.
* Feru crawls up an TOG's head and watches the fight
<mcDuffiesss> I'll point at you.
<mcDuffiesss> Everyone will believe a widowed husband
<MrBob> Wait! we can hide the body!
<MrBob> Before they come!
<mcDuffiesss> Hmm...
<mcDuffiesss> I'm listening.
<MrBob> Let me hide the body, you can hide the head
<MrBob> I'll just hide it here in my bedroom
<MrBob> and i'll lock the door
<mcDuffiesss> I don't trust you with my wife's body.
<mcDuffiesss> You'll misuse it.
<mcDuffiesss> In the most twisted ways
<MrBob> it'll be safe!
<MrBob> come on!
<mcDuffiesss> No.
<MrBob> Okok give me the head!
<MrBob> Yes ! give me the head!
<mcDuffiesss> You can misuse head too. I should know.
<mcDuffiesss> Let's burry her in the backyard
<MrBob> nono! they always check the backyard!
<MrBob> lets bury her in the front yard!
<MrBob> they never check there!
<mcDuffiesss> Ok, if you're sure about it.
* mcDuffiesss gets a shovel
<MrBob> lets go to my house its closer to the policae station
<mcDuffiesss> Damn Bob, everyone will see us in the frontyard
<mcDuffiesss> The street is full of people! It's people!
<MrBob> We can tell them to look over there?
<mcDuffiesss> I don't think they'll listen.

<MrBob> Shoo!
<MrBob> ok, well bury it in the backyard
<MrBob> and then..
<MrBob> we wil turn the house around before the police arive and tell them its the front yard!
<MrBob> so they wont check!
<mcDuffiesss> Look - that girl vaguely resembling my wife dressed as a piano is staring at us
* Feru steals part of the straw Feru for a souvenier
<mcDuffiesss> Where's my wife's pinkey?
<MrBob> YOU PERVERT!
<mcDuffiesss> Who stole my wife's pinky?
<MrBob> Leave his wife alone you grave robber!
<mcDuffiesss> Let's burn her instead
<MrBob> yeah!
<MrBob> Lets BURN HER!
* MrBob ties feru to the stake
<mcDuffiesss> I thought the body but hell...
<mcDuffiesss> Let's burn them both.
<mcDuffiesss> No. It'll be suspicious.
* Feru looks as innocent as a dancing piano can
* MrBob opens mcduffies late wife and spills her insides around the stake as firewood
<mcDuffiesss> No! You want police to catch us?
* MrBob then puts one of the sacks over feru's head
<mcDuffiesss> Put her together now
<MrBob> i cant put her together now!
<MrBob> shes spread out everywhere!
<MrBob> We'll tell the police it was a suicide!
<mcDuffiesss> We'll fake suicide
<mcDuffiesss> And we'll burn the alive one
<MrBob> Lets just burn her now!
<mcDuffiesss> Wait... Isn't she your ex wife or something?
<MrBob> what?
<MrBob> no I just remembered we were never married
<MrBob> I just pretended we were to make you feel bad
<MrBob> but she cheated on me with TOG
<MrBob> so now she must die
<mcDuffiesss> Police will find the unburned straws.
* mcDuffiesss tries to put the doll together
<mcDuffiesss> Have you seen hey spleen?
<MrBob> She had it!
<mcDuffiesss> It was the prettiest piece of red baloon full of water.
<MrBob> There it is! I see it! She used the spleen to knit herself a pair of trousers!
* MrBob takes feru's trousers!
<MrBob> There you go mcduffies
<MrBob> can we burn her now?
<mcDuffiesss> We'll burn your old love later. Now help me fake a hanging.
<MrBob> what do you need me to do?
* mcDuffiesss makes a knot
<MrBob> who's being hanged?
<mcDuffiesss> I want to make it look like she hung herself.
* mcDuffiesss hungs the doll to the ceiling
<MrBob> no one will ever believe it!
<mcDuffiesss> Now we have to make someone else find the body.
<mcDuffiesss> Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
<MrBob> We'll have to add some stab wounds to make it look convincing
<mcDuffiesss> She hung herself, not stab!
* Feru does the nakey dance around the room
<MrBob> Well who hangs themselves without stabbing themselves?
<MrBob> it doesnt make sense!
<mcDuffiesss> I think your ex escaped. She is dancing round the room naked now.
<MrBob> What the..
* MrBob ties Feru to the stake again
<MrBob> Stop escaping you!
<MrBob> Or we'll do something nasty!
<MrBob> Like take you out to dinner or something!
<mcDuffiesss> A very BAD DINNER!
<Feru> OH NOES!!
<mcDuffiesss> You can't even tie a proper knot.
<MrBob> I can tie a beautiful knot!
<mcDuffiesss> Bob, hide now.
* MrBob hides under the stake
* mcDuffiesss hides behind the staircase.
<mcDuffiesss> We have to wait until someone finds the body.
<MrBob> OK!
<MrBob> HEY!
<MrBob> SOMEBODY! LOOK!
<mcDuffiesss> YO! ANYONE! ANYONE!
<mcDuffiesss> Damn. This place is a real desert.
<MrBob> SOMEBODY LOOK! WE JUST SUICIDED SOMEONE!
<MrBob> I have an idea!
* MrBob unties Feru
<MrBob> ok feru, go out of the room and come back and find the body!
<mcDuffiesss> You think it's a good idea?
<mcDuffiesss> I think she saw everything.
<mcDuffiesss> She's a witness.
<MrBob> relax mcduffies!
<MrBob> anyone will do!
<MrBob> Its all working
<mcDuffiesss> But... if she's your wife, she can't testify against you.
Feru has quit (Quit: Laters!)
<mcDuffiesss> Darn. And she took the pinky.
Guest612 is now known as Feru
<Feru> damn back button...
* Soap_Committee must take a momentary break from the steak
<MrBob> STEAK?? WHERE???
<Soap_Committee> or stake, whatever
* MrBob roasts mcduffies on the stake
<MrBob> mmm
<MrBob> catsteak
* Feru sollomnly gives duffies the straw pinky in memory of lost fake feru wife
* Soap_Committee throws the flaming stake at Bob for picking on her bad spelling!
MrBob has quit (Quit: QUACK!QUACK!QUACK! YEEAARRRRGHHH!!!)
* Feru runs to RA and huggles
<Feru> you'll save me from the sillies won't you?!?
<mcDuffiesss> There's only one silly left.
* RA protects feru from the sillies!
<RA> or the silly, now
<Feru> one is most bad enough
* mcDuffiesss hides the corpse
<RA> omz
*** RA is now known as RA-GW
* RA-GW swoons
<Feru> aww, and now we have lost her forever

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